As nasty as it sounds, Singaporean People love Bird’s nest. Yeah, I’m talking about the actual nest that birds make (and no, I don’t know why the B in Bird is capitalized). They dissolve it in water, throw in a couple of cubes of chicken essence to cover the smell and then force their unsuspecting children to drink it. But no, that’s not even the worst part, because Bird’s nests are made from… wait for it… wait for it… bird saliva. As if it isn’t already bad enough that several hundred thousands of birds have been robbed of their homes and are now being forced to live the simple life as hobos. Nope, no more house parties (nest parties?) and tricked out cribs for you…. just the long, nomadic life of a vagabond.
Anyway, I digress. Singaporean People (especially Singaporean Moms) love Bird’s nest because they believe that it cures everything. Have a stomachache? No need for charcoal tablets, just have some Bird’s nest soup. Failing calculus? Better eat ginko nuts to improve your memory, and then wash it down with some Bird’s nest soup. Balding problems? Don’t waste your money on Yun Nam Hair Care, Bird’s nest will cure that. Have acne problems? Bird’s nest is the new Proactive. Can’t get it on in the bedroom? Down a shot of Bird’s nest soup and bust out your A game foo!
Singaporean People love Bird’s nest so much that they’ve even bottled up the essence for convenience sake. Instead of lugging around a couple of bulky nests, they can instead carry Bird’s nest essence around in a flask, taking the occasional swig like a baller.
One time, in Primary School, everyone got a complementary bottle of Bird’s nest (so that we could drink it and become smarter, presumably) but I gave mine to my chinese tutor in hopes of distracting her from my recent F in ting xie. She cracked open the cap like a gangster and poured that shit into her Thermos, before lapping it up like it was the Fountain of Youth. She still found out about my failing grade though, and made me write out Li Bai’s ridiculous poem (You know the one about him sitting by his bed and looking at the moon like a loser?) 20 times.